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Review of Star Wars

Posted by phduffy on 2005-06-26 15:46:43
4 forum posts
So, I saw Star Wars last week. And I was able to do it without paying for it, so everything is cool.

I think that this film is hard to review... pretty much anyone you talk to that's going to review it will have made up their mind before seeing the movie. If you regularly check this website, you'll realize that I am one of those people that probably had their minds made up. Oh well, I will do my best.

So, as you should know if you see this movie, Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith is about . It's about Anakin SkyWalker's conversion to Darth Vader. If you don't remember the first two movies, dont' worry. Anakin is in love with Padme. There's an evil dude behing things. That's it.

It turns out that the evil dude is the head of the Senate. This has of course been broadcast since the first time that Senator Palatine shows up. One of the things that has really led to the downfall of Star Wars is how much they pussify it. In this movie, Anakin and Obi Wan have to hunt down rebel leaders, who are droids. See, this way they don't have to kill a person, just robots who are lead by their robot leader General Grievious.

At one point, Anakin finds out that Palpatine is a Sith lord. Palpatine promises that he can save the live of Padme, who Anakin thinks will die during childbirth (oh yeah, she's preggo). So, Mace Windu (Fuck do these names ever suck!) confronts Palpatine. Palpatine kills a bunch of other Jedis, then Anakin shows up, and Mace is about to kill him. Anakin tells him that that's not the Jedi way, Mace ignores him, and Anakin kills him while trying to save Palpatine.

Then, because killing the Sith lord isn't the Jedi way, Anakin goes to the Jedi temple and kills all the child Jedis. Now, they can't show what it would actually look like, so when Yoda and Obi Wan go check it out, it looks like all the Jedi kids are sleeping. Because there's no gore or blood when you get cut in half with a magical light sword.

So all the Storm Troopers are with the Jedi, hunting down seperatists (who are all controlled by Palpatine, who used them and sacrifices their two leaders, Grievous and Dooku, to turn Anakin bad). Now, the Jedi and the troopers get along, until they get the order to execude order.. .NUMBER 68!!@!! (How ominous!) They then turn bad and kill all the Jedis. See, this way, if the Jedis fight back, they're only fighting back against clones, not real people.

Anyways, Anakin and Obi Wan end up fighting, and Obi Wan whoops his ass, he gets hurt, and turns into Vader.

Now, let's get into the movie itself. I don't think that Samuel Jackson, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christenson or Ewan MacGregor are bad actors. They all suck in this. The rule of thumb is pretty easy: if there's no talking in a scene, it's good. Otherwise, it's mediocre, unless it's Anakin and Padme, in which case the scene is absolutely fucking terrible. Dialogue and acting you would laugh out of a high school play. I was way more convinced that Luke was conflicted about his side then I was with Anakin, who appears to be conflicted with the Dark Side because... he.... loves.....Padme.... so........much.....

Two things about this movie stand out.
One, the special effects are obviously great, for the most part. However, I think that I may have figured out the downfall of the new STar Wars movies. Industrial Light and Magic is TOO good. When Lucas made the first movies, he had to work hard, improvise, create! None of that happens any more. The settings are all beautiful and everything looks kewl. While I realize that in the prequels we're dealing with a Republic, and in the original series we're dealing with rebels, there's nothign dirty about the prequels. Everything is pristine, and I think that's a mistake... some places should be dirty and underground, in particular the rebel bases.

Additionally, there are times when the CGI is just terrible. The CGI is good when it's a background, but CGI'd characters just aren't good. Is there a person alive who likes Yoda better as CGI then a puppet? Also, when they shoot the gratuitious scene with the Wookies, and the Wookies march to war, they look like crap! The meetings with the Wookies look fine, but when they try to mix the Wookies into the scenes with the Stormtrooper, the Wookies don't mesh with the scene at all.

The other poor CGI comes when Padme gives birth to the babies.... because the babies are picked up by a droid (and C3PO and R2 are the only droids that are allowed to be actors), the babies are CGI'd... now, it's a short time, and when they give the babies to their mom, they look fine.... but man oh man do the CGI babies look terrible.

The second issue is the finale of this movie...let's review. Anakin joins the Sith for no other purpose but to save his woman. He gets hurt, and revived as Darth Vader.... He wakes up and says "Yes, my master" and it's James Earl Jones, and this is amazing.........................................
And then they take what could have been one of the most fantastic scenes of movie history and turn it into one of the worst... his next words are "Where's Padme", and then he's told that she's dead, and he screams "NoOooooooooooo!".

Now.
When I saw the Dungeons and Dragons movie and one of the characters yelled no in response to someone dying... the theater started laughing, because that's such a cheesy crappy line. You are Darth Vader... you've just murdered hundreds, been almost killed by your best friend, and you yell about your gf?
WHAT THE FUCK!
YOU ARE DARTH FUCKING VADER! THE DARK LORD OF THE FUCKING SITH! YOU ARE NOT A PUSSY
I wish James Earl Jones had read this, and told Lucas to fuck off, and that he wasn't going to ruin Vader by making him a whiney little bitch.

This of course, brings up another point. Vader joins the empire, betrays his friends, etc, to save his woman.
And she dies anyways. So..... he just decides, okay, no problem, I'll just work for you my empire???
What possible reason is there for him to not turn against the Emperor? His whole reason for obeying him no longer exists!

Oh yeah, in these films R2 and C3PO work for Anakin, which is stupid, because you'd think that they would have mentioned that in the new movies. Hell, you'd think someone would know that Vader was Skywalker. Anyways, Lucas gives himself a save at the end, with a throw away line to delete the droids memories. This is still incredibly lame, but at least he gave it some thought, which is more than he gave the entire rest of the series.


Anyways, this movie is better than the first two. And if you are able to ignore the complete lack of sense, and the hideous dialogue, and poor CGI characters, you'll enjoy it.
Or, if you're just a Star Wars fanboy that would have liked whatever crap Lucas spit out, you'll enjoy it.
  4 forum posts