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The way things go, or cruel twist of fate?

Posted by phduffy on 2003-10-18 01:05:12
The New York Yankees.

What do you feel when you read those words? What's that? You don't follow baseball? That's fine. Even you should realize that nothing in this world empitimizes evil more than the New York Yankees.

Does that sound extreme? What about all the criminals and terrorists in the world? Don't get me wrong, they suck too. But no matter how heinous their actions, nothin in this world compares with the pure evil of the New York Yankees.

So, what is it about this team that's so bad? Where do we start.
First off, they have a shortstop named Derek Jeter. You may recognize him from the Visa commercials. He used to date Mariah Carey. Strike one. He isn't even half the shortstop that Alex Rodriguez is, but because he plays in New York, and the only thing that NY sports writers know how to do is to felate him, many people think he's awesome. In further testament to his sucktitude, he is perhaps the worst defensive shortstop of all time. And they've been playing baseball for over 100 years! However, the NY press would have you think that not only does he not suck, he's actually good! Strike 2. Did I mention he dated Mariah Carey? Strike 3.

George Steinbrenner is the owner of the Yankees. He was born in Cleveland and lives in Tampa, and yet would have you believe he's a New Yorker for life. Strike one. He was suspended from baseball for associating with gamblers. Strike 2. He was involved in Watergate and contributed funds to Nixon. Strike 3. He made his fortune in Garbage Trucks. Strike 4. He's a loudmouth that out spends all the other teams. Strike 5.

Yes, you only need 3 strikes in baseball. But when you go against the Yankees you're so far behind to begin with that it's like you need 5 strikes.

Roger Clemens. Perhaps the greatest right handed pitcher since WW2. Also, perhaps the biggest jerk of all time. He's so arrogant that the name of each of his kids starts with a K, because he is a strike out pitcher, and they are represented by Ks.
I'm not even a Red Sox fan, but he was a Sock for years, then had one bad season, bitched and moaned and signed with Toronto. Then, when Toronto wasn't winning enough for him, he bitched and moaned even more and made the Jays enforce an unwritten clause in his contract and trade him to NY.
In the World Series agaisnt the Mets, Mike Piazza basically shows up Clemens for the punk that he is. Clemens throws at him in one at bat, and then in anothe one Piazza shatters his bat. Clemens picks up a piece of the bat and throws it at Piazza. He's lucky Piazza is gay or he would have got his ass beat. When trying to defend his actions, Clemens states that he thought the bat fragment was the ball. Hey genius, if that was true, shouldn't you have been throwing it at your first baseman? Strike 3.

Okay, enough of this, there are many people in this world that can do this better than me. Suffice to say, if you don't live in New York, and you root for the Yankees, you have serious problems. That's like watching me sit down with a puff pastry and routing for me. Come on, where's the challenge!

Anyways, if you want some sites that have intelligent stuff to say about baseball, along with info on how Derek Jeter is overated, here they are.

For that last one go to Rob Neyer's column.