Now the holiday season is apon us yet again. Loved ones, family, as well as yourself will all be herding toward the mall to pick out the perfect gift for that special someone. During this busy time of pushing and shoving bliss... please take some time, push yourself to the front of the line, look down on the shelf and ask yourself the question that should be on everyone's mind this time of year. "Why to christmas tree stands get bigger every year?" I mean really stop and look at these brightly coloured castles of plastic, steel, cloth,graphite, or whatever the fuck else they are making these things with now. Some of these stickholders span some three feet long and be compard to all but the biggest beartraps out there. Why the colours?.. Isnt the point to keep them hidden? These tequila-lime green towers can rival the tree's they are ment to hold. Now I dont know about you but I cant recall the christmas tree's themselves getting any bigger from when I was a kid, why the increase in the mass of the stands. To hold the tree up?, doesnt the christmas tree fall over at least once every year anyway? Be it your dog driving Aunt Tina's cat up the trunk, your father taking the industrial powered zip-saw to that one branch that over hangs in the middle, That uncle that you see only once a year because no one really knows who's brother he is, has a little to much eggnog and falls into the damn thing.
to parents with small children one crash of these Towers of Doom can kill your child!
I put the question to the streets.
Some said to hold more water to keep the tree looking "fresh"..... Bullshit, the tree would have to have its own pump house running to the pond in the back yard to balance the fate of you remembering to water the thing at all. Sure you might water it the first time you put the tree in, and little Timmy might remind you to water it the next day. You like everyone else shudders at the hidden grief you suffured at putting the tree into the hell bent household jaws of life. Even looking at it brings pain. In time you forget about the lightshow-wrapped 2x4 trapped in a cylinder of stone placed in the corner. One week after that... It never sees water again. The tank on the stand would have to be the size of your living room to hold enough water, so whats the point. It cant be big enough.
"Bigger is better... the tree's are getting bigger... so the stands need to get bigger"...The tree's arent getting bigger people we've been over this, try to keep up.
Is this some kinda Hallmark thing?.. I'm not sure how, but dont they control christmas? I dont know the answers....
I cant even guess..