Going to a professional baseball game? Here's some tips to make it more enjoyable:
Get seats in the first level of the outfield. These are the sweet spot between not too expensive, but still close to the action. Plus, this is where the fans get the drunkest.
Don't be afraid to join in with the taunting. Don't swear, and some of the taunting will be lame, but that's what makes it fun ("Hey Bruce, I just cut you on my fantasy team for the Japanese guy who plays for the Dodgers").
If you're going in Toronto, go when the Dome is open. SO MUCH BETTER.
Go with me - I am not afraid to yell, and can answer many questions about the game, but will not be a know-it-all. I haven't been since Madame Howard's Grade 5 class.
Quote of the day:
Truman Capote was fond of regaling people with an anecdote about one of his finer moments. At the height of his popularity, he was drinking one evening with friends in a crowded Key West bar. Nearby sat a couple, both inebriated. The woman recognized Capote, walked over to his table, and gushingly asked him to autograph a paper napkin. The woman's husband, angry at his wife's display of interest in another man, staggered over to Capote's table and assumed an intimidating position directly in front of the diminutive writer. He then proceeded to unzip his trousers and, in Capote's own words, "hauled out his equipment." As he did this, he bellowed in a drunken slur, "Since you're autographing things, why don't you autograph this?" It was a tense moment, and a hush fell over the room. The silence was a blessing, for it allowed all those within earshot to hear Capote's soft, high-pitched voice deliver the perfect emasculating reply:
"I don't know if I can autograph it,
but perhaps I can initial it."