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From Roger Ebert's blog

Posted by phduffy on 2008-07-25 13:33:16
2 forum posts

I received this message on the blog, but it obviously fits no known topic. The author is something of a mystery: “R. Crutch,” no city, no e-mail. But I felt it necessary to share with you. RE


From R. Crutch:

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms;, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M;duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms;are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms;as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M;, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M;Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, “Please use this M&M;for breeding purposes.”

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms;. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.
  2 forum posts