I am apparently the only person in the entirety of Atlantic Industries Ayr Division who is going to the Christmas dinner next Thursday by himself. For some reason this has become a topic requiring great speculation and to a lesser extent ridicule.
I have been told in no uncertain terms that I will look like a tool if I don't bring a guest. I have only been back to work now for 1.5 days and I have heard about it about 4 times so far.
My questions are:
Why is this such a big freakin' deal?
Since when has it been a problem for me to look like a tool?
If anyone is interested in getting a free meal out of this deal then there are only two stipulations:
1.) Must be female, or at leat be convincingly female (given the situation I can't even imagine the result of a guy showing up with me).
2.) Must be able to stand my presence for up to and possibly including 2.5 hours.
All else can be worked out.
Barring that it is back to plan A:
-get half wrecked.
-take the bus to Fairview Mall and walk to the Charcoal Steakhouse.
-make every attempt to sit between somebody and their guest.
-eat the biggest and freeest (no wonder that isn't a word, how would it be spelled?) steak that is gastronomically possible.
-undo my belt and top button while loudly proclaiming that I need to "relieve the pressure"
-drink as many free beers as possible.
-act like a tool because apparently I will look like one.
-bust out MY money for more beers.
-make ridiculous claims about various things including not being drunk.
-stumble back to fairview mall and take the bus home.
-get fully wrecked.
-go to bed.
-call in sick the next day and claim it must be food poisoning even though everyone saw how trashed I was.