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Mike's Ridiculous Adventure January 14, 2004

Posted by mike on 2004-01-15 10:52:09
4 forum posts
Perhaps the X-box is bullet proof…

Yesterday I was feeling ill, possibly due to eating a whole whack of chips before bed the night before. I decided to head home early and drink some beer and rest up for the next day. The problem is that I had little beer left. There was only one course of action, Beer Store. I brushed off my car and toured home on the skating rink like roads, only to find the worst part of the journey to be the townhouse complex’s driveway.

It was a slow and tractionless adventure up the driveway, fraught with both perils and danger, but I made it to “the spot” without significant hassle other than the supposed “all season” tires I have on the LS1. I finally got in the door and collected up my 2 cases of empties and took them to the car. Once at the car with the trunk open I realized that I didn’t want to put the 2nd (snowy-bottomed) case into the trunk before cleaning it. Being the genius that I have apparently become, I tipped the case on it side in the air and cleaned off the bottom. I only realized later that some of the beers had not been fully drank (alchohol abuse!) and that there was now skunky-ass beer all over my coat, gloves, and wrists. Since there was no going back, I rubbed some snow on the soiled areas and threw my smelly self into the car.

Figuring nothing much more could go wrong, and that my bullshit quota for the day must have been filled I took off. I had proceed about 25 metres from the parking space, down the driveway when my car refuse to obey my commands as I had input them, and ricocheted off a snow bank on the first curve I came to. At that point I figured that my best bet was to idle my way to the street so as not to further endanger myself and my neighbors.

Once on the street it was clear sailing to the In & Out, and amazingly nothing went wrong during that leg of the journey, other than I turned on the wrong street (I’ve lived in Kitchener how long now?) and it took a few extra minutes to get there. The beer store went great though, I got my $4.80 with no hassles and exited with a two-four of LED in hand. It was actually also a typical drive back towards Unit 66 other than a little slipping and sliding.

Once I got home and battled my way up the ice-slick driveway into the complex with the Saturn, I wrangled my case and the remainder of my lunch up to the front door in one carry. Then it was key time. Being a cocky bastard I went for the one-handed case carry as I fumbled with the keys and opened the door (you know, the one where you hold the case with only one handle hole). I have used this carrying technique many times in the past with great success.

After getting inside and taking off my shoes I was apparently still feeling cocky because I continued with the one handed carry as I headed for the fridge. After about 5-6 steps all hell broke loose, the handle hole… she was no more. There was a rip, a thud, and a soft clicking sound. It was about this time that I decided I’d better look down to see the damages. The rip was the handle hole turning into a giant gash in the side of the box-o-beer. The thud was the full case of beer landing on Gord’s X-box (D’oh!). And the soft click turned out to be a beer shattering on impact. Obviously the broken beer was a major contributing factor to the giant puddle I noticed was being soaked into the carpeting.

After an extensive cleanup and damage control regimen was implemented I was satisfied that all the glass shards were cleared and that the electronics in the area had been cleaned (my Playstation and Gord’s X-box both experienced the fallout of the beer shattering). I then put some beers into the fridge, cleaned out the glass in the case and went to check if Gord required a new X-box. Thankfully the X-box worked fine, and I know this because I tested if for several hours after the incident.

There is no specific lesson to be learned here, I was stone-cold sober during all of these events. Well, I guess that the lesson might be to stay clear of me when things start to go wrong, because they really go wrong.

For whatever reason, as near as I can tell anyway, I have broken, screwed up, smashed, wrecked, tipped over, got infected, drove into, spilled, and otherwise destroyed more shit in the past month or so than I have in the past year or several years.

Sumthin ain’t right. I need to be stopped before I somehow inadvertently shift the world on it’s axis. Any suggestions?
  4 forum posts