Articles
Advice of the Day (Forum)
Books (Forum)
Druidic Ramblings (Forum)
Dumb Ideas (Forum)
H-Town (Forum)
Links (Forum)
Movies (Forum)
Music (Forum)
Opinions (Forum)
Photo Albums (Forum)
Prose/Poetry (Forum)
Questions (Forum)
Video Games (Forum)

Basic Article Search

Enter search terms below:

Member Login

Username

Password

Register Here

View Article

Review of Red Sun (it's a western!)

Posted by mike on 2004-02-12 14:40:17
4 forum posts
Red Sun is a western movie starring Charles Bronson. I cannot express the awesomeness of this movie, so I will attempt to boil it down into point form reasons why it is great.

-Charles Bronson.
-Charles Bronson has a Samurai sidekick. Yes, a Samurai in the old west. Remember that this movie is old, therefore a Samurai in the old west was probably a pretty new idea at the time.
-Charles Bronson appears to not care if he lives or dies (that’s one of the reasons that Charles Bronson is usually awesome in a movie).
-Charles Bronson does whatever the hell he feels like, and noone can say anything because they are afeared (it’s a word) of getting killed by him.
-The Samurai thoroughly enjoys chopping the faces of gun-toting cowboys. Thoroughly. I have no idea how it looked so real (the blood spewing) back in the day.
-Charles Bronson attempts to show the Samurai how to fight. This results in hilarity like Charles saying “Make a fist!! Like this (Charles makes a fist)” and the Samurai staring blankly at him. When the Samurai doesn’t take Charles’ fighting advice Charlse declares “Well if you’re not going to defend yourself…!” and lunges at the Samurai, obviously resulting in the Samurai kicking Charles’ ass.
-Charles loves drinking. Drinking and fighting. Drinking, fighting, and sexing.
-The movie features boobs in the afternoon. Boobs in the afternoon… thank you history channel.
-Charles comes out with some pretty great lines such as: “From what I recall you’re a pretty lousy cook… but you go ahead and get yourself in the kitchen anyway.”
-It has all of the elements of a classic western. Surly cowboys, 6-shooters that can shoot a seemingly unlimited supply of bullets without needing to be reloaded, drinking and carousing, “bad guys” (that term is kind of relative in this movie) that couldn’t shoot the broad side of a barn. Excellent. Oh wait… don’t’ forget whores, lots and lots of whores.
-Lets not forget the Samurai and his bring a knife to a gun fight style.

I bet I forgot a whole bunch of stuff here, there was just so much greatness. Also I was pretty wrecked when this got watched. I fully expect Noodle and Gord to post some goodnesses that I forgot.

Allright, time for plot. Umm, just wait, I can do this…

Charles Bronson is looking for his partner in crime who has buried a bunch of loot from a robbery of some kind that got pulled off, and the partner is the only one who knows where it is. The Saumrai is looking to get back some kind of sacred katana that got stolen and is in the possession of Charles’ old partner.
The Samurai is very out of his element and keeps following around Charles because he knows that Charles can find the old partner (who has an awesomely stupid western bad guy, one syllable, name like Gitch or Cud or some scuh thing). The Samurai some how manages to capture Charles when he doesn’t have a gun. Eventually the two seem to start getting along and work towards their common goal of finding the partner.
Charles keeps seeming to go from liking the Samurai to trying to strand him in the middle of nowhere. It goes kind of like this: Samurai saves Charles, Charles saves Samurai, Charles threatens to kill Samurai, Samurai saves Charles, giant gun battle, giant hand to hand combat battle, Charles saves Samurai, Charles gets saved by Samurai and at the same time makes an attempt to kill the Samurai. It’s a strange game, kind of like people throwing ducks at balloons and nothing is the way it seems. Also there is some kind of crazy masochistic love thing going on with Charles and some prostitute who really doesn’t want to help Charles, but can’t seem to help herself because she seems to love the way that Charles doesn’t act like he cares about her in any way, slaps her around, and yells at her, ties her up, etc. The Samurai also gets some sexing from a whore and it’s funny because, well… I can’t remember, but its’ funny.
The ending is fucked.

That’s it. Go watch it because I can’t describe its hilarious excellence.
  4 forum posts