So maybe I did care a lot,
and he's coming back..
so maybe .. i want to see him.
..emm chose pride or calling him.
There was sweet things,
the lost smiths replaced, and the
nostradamus i couldn't afford.
but those are just things you buy and it's easy.
i was always bothered by the lack of a little note
inside the cover, or something.
there was more. that weird definition moment,
labelling what we were.
he didn't want to say it,
but did want to say it.
and i was the same.
the nights spent with consequence;
trouble over cars or fatigued work days.
wasn't just the sex right, i mean
there wasn't always sex.
the best date of my life too.
rocks.. fireworks, front row.
sneaking in made it better.
so was that great circumstance and setting only?
could someone else have been on that rock?
so then a move and i hear nothing.
but he's so pratical, and so was
not being involved.
was that it?
May 30, 2004
I really have nothign else going.
why not spend all my time waiting..
Otherwise it's this apartment,
and busy-work, and weighing
belltowers against razorblades.
and all of a sudden there's no one around,
and i can't think of who used there used to be..
like a truck though it hit me.
those things i coulda been
or coulda done
or whatever whatever.
rattling their chains from under the bed
or some other place i can't clean.
those things that used to thrill me don't
i should have cable.
then there's someone else there right?
what else to do..
maybe i open a tired fag club.